Queen's Blush
by ATaintedStarsNightmare
Summary: Part of DtRH series. A story fit for a Queen
1. Dubious Moments

Queen's Blush

ATaintedStarsNightmare

Dubious Moments

I sighed deeply, watching Cheshire flirt around with another nameless guy to add to her collection. She didn't have a type or gender; it was her way of living in the moment. I continued chewing on the straw I been using to stir my milkshake. Where was the fun in life? I mean, don't get me wrong I wasn't some little goodie two shoes but I like a challenge. I didn't even know where we were, I always blindly trusted Cheshire to keep me safe. It was some random little mom and pop restaurant, the kind with bar stools that could spin. While her and the nameless guy giggled and got closer together, I spun around to turn at the DING at the front door. With the straw still in my mouth I smiled. I think I found myself a challenge.

I watched, not even trying to hide it, as this girl and her friend sat down at a table. He had a ridiculous cat in the hat looking top hat. I giggled and they turned to look at me, their eyes slightly glazed as if they had just smoked a joint. I waved and invited myself over.

"Hi, you can call me Queen. I'll explain that one later. I love your hat! And, not to be creepy or anything, but you're very pretty yourself." I made sure to look this girl in the eyes, her beautiful eyes. I gave a little flirty smile. I had to start somewhere didn't I?

The two of them laughed together and smiled back at me. I could feel Cheshire's eyes on me, probably jealous she wasn't where the laughter was. Can't say I blamed her, that nameless tool wasn't even very good-looking. He was just something to distract her for a little bit from her shitty life. I used to envy her, until I realized she was just a heartless bitch. But I think that's what drew me to her, I couldn't deny that.

Soon a waitress came over to the table and took their order while I slurped on my milkshake, making eyes at both of them. I watched her make a face at the three of us and the red rimmed eyes. I winked at her and giggled.

"Hey Queenie, we're about ready to head out. Maybe you could invite your new friends?" Cheshire was one devilish bitch. She knew how to get what she wanted, even when she wasn't trying.

"Me and Hatter are just going to stay here and finish eating." The girl's voice caught me off guard. I was captivated for some reason and this made me giggled even more. Now I'm intrigued. "I'm Alice by the way.

"Just give us a number to hit you guys up and we'll see how it goes." Hatter's voice was deep and I liked it, his dreads swinging as he turned to look at us. His eyes were roaming wildly over Cheshire and I knew she could feel it.

After trading numbers, I decided I would have to hang out with this girl again. Just to see where things could end up, it was a good way to waste time. After all, today I had some prior engagements.

We left with a wave and a hug, Cheshire and I just had that effect on people, even though I had just literally pushed myself into their lives a few minutes earlier. It seemed fine, the two were high and okay with the things going on.

The door gave a final DING as we left them to their meal. I turned around and looked back and that saw that Alice had been watching me. She caught my glance and turned bright cherry red. Thanks doll for the self-esteem boost.

* * *

><p>Riding around in this godforsaken town was about the only thing to do on summer nights. The fair was supposed to be coming into town in a few days, so I could get fucked up and go on some fun rides. What a life, the only things to do were to get fucked or get fucked up. I turned back to the guys in the back seat; they were messing around with some kind of pills I had never seen before.<p>

"What are those?" Their wide eyes looked back at me, their pupils were huge. Then they smiled, as if it were some kind of bliss. I was instantly jealous.

"It's called March Hare. It's some new shit, wanna try it? It's fucking great." They held out a pill for me and Cheshire. I shrugged and took mine while passing Cheshire hers. It tasted good while it melted on my tongue. Then it hit me, woah. I had never felt like this before and I wasn't a virgin to drugs either.

The car ride, which had been boring, started to turn into something else...somehow me and Cheshire ended up in the back seat with the boys. I'm pretty sure anyone close enough to the car could our moans as this little drug had turned our little joyride into basically a giant orgy.

When the morning came and the drug had worn off, I was a mess. We all were, considering the way we had ended the night. But I knew I wanted more of that shit, who wouldn't? It made me feel alive and that I could take on the world. I felt like I could still taste it though just barely. I mostly tasted the events from last night and I definitely wanted to brush my teeth.

After we had dropped the boys off me and Cheshire returned to her house. We brushed our teeth while in the shower then climbed into bed.

"That shit was a-fucking-mazing." She whispered into my ear since she was laying behind me, curled up for warmth.

"We have to get more. What do you think about those two at the diner?" I wanted to know her opinion before I made my move. I had called dibs on Alice but with Cheshire you never knew.

"It might be fun. We'll just have to find someone new when we get bored."

I turned to face her and starting kissing her cheek down to her neck.

"Isn't that what we always do?"

_Author's Note:_

_Yupp, this is the new story. I don't know where I'm going to go with this one just yet. Hope you like the first chapter though._


	2. A Late Night

Queen's Blush

ATaintedStarsNightmare

A Late Night

I felt completely left out whenever Cheshire had someone and I didn't. Even though we always had each other but we agreed to be allowed to have other people around. I still felt jealous sometimes. No one I had around ever brought that feeling out of Cheshire, well that I knew of. We had grown up together and could usually be found together. I couldn't see a world without her honestly; it would seem empty and would be missing excitement.

We had been looking for someone to find us more of that March Hare, but we didn't have any luck except for those boys. It seemed like they would get annoyed with us when we would call only for that sweet drug they had given us. Didn't bother me any, they were just more tools to be used and gotten rid of. It would be worse for them if they got attached, but not my fault. Of course the girls and guys didn't enjoy being used, so they usually ended up hating us after. The rumors about me and Cheshire could be pretty entertaining sometimes so I enjoyed getting to hear the new stories. School had always been a place for me to waste time; I didn't really have any future plans. I would go with the flow and let it take me wherever it wanted.

I suppose not really having a plan for life isn't the best way to take life on, but that's all I had going for me. I was apathetic to the world. Nothing really gave a sense of excitement or even anger. It all seemed false and I would do anything to feel like I was real. I would give anything.

The days seemed to drag on longer and I hadn't heard anything from that girl Alice and her interesting friend. I guess I just wanted a distraction and something about this girl drew me to her. I don't know if it was because she stirred real feelings or something else. Using people didn't feel wrong to me, that's just the way life is. People needed to get over that and deal with their lives like big girls and boys.

I continued my life, as normally as I could with a draining sinking feeling in me. It stuck on my mind and I couldn't escape the thoughts that came with the downward spiral I was on. I started taking more drugs, anything I could get my grubby greedy little hands on. Heroin, crack, cocaine, and even meth…they didn't satisfy the growing pain for March Hare that boiled under my blood. The desire that ignited with every pulse of my beating heart, it was starting to take control of me.

We were supposed to meet up with that Hatter and Alice at the fair later. I convinced Cheshire to bring some Hare with us, such an addicting little substance. That night was pretty amazing; I had let a part of myself go. I was able to be someone else for a little. Maybe it was a purer batch, I wasn't too sure honestly. But I knew from this moment forward, I was hooked. And I wouldn't be able to continue normally without it.

That night we had went to a place called "The White Rabbit", it was a strange place but something was attractive about it, the freedom dripped from every light. I had never had this much fun running around in a giant play-place for adults. They were no rules but nothing seemed to get out of hand. I loved it.

_Author's Note: I'm starting the second semester of my senior year so I might not be able to update as frequently. But thank for reading!_

_-atsn_


	3. Late for a Very Important Date

Queen's Blush

ATaintedStarsNightmare

Late for a Very Important Date

Having no rules in life can seem so magical, at least at first I discovered. I could get away with everything, nothing had consequences. For once I was free to do whatever I pleased and it felt great. At times things could seem to get out of hand but Caterpillar was there to make sure it would return to normal. I spent a lot more time at The White Rabbit by myself the more we got to know the place. Caterpillar had seemingly taken me under his wing, making me the star of the show. I was the main attraction; at least this is what he told me. And I've got to admit, it was nice to be wanted by so many people. I had stopped worrying about life because the world outside the Rabbit didn't concern me anymore. I was above it. I was above them all.

I had lost track of Cheshire throughout the night, she could be pretty sneaky at times. She would run off with other guys, trying to satisfy a need she could never meet. She tried to fix that broken side of her with guys, girls and drugs but nothing seemed to work for her. I felt sorry for her, I really did. But I couldn't take care of her all the time. I had a life too and I wasn't going t be ignored any longer.

The music seemed to have a life of its own and I was helpless to try and stop the take over. I let out the breath I had been holding in, the stress melting away. The music held me and I let the control seep through my veins. Closing my eyes, I sunk unto another level of being. I can't even try to describe the wonderful things I felt. I don't even think it had to do with the drugs I had been consuming like candy…it was the freedom I felt here.

Once that sweet taste hit my tongue, I couldn't get enough. Nothing could satisfy my lust for freedom, but slowly I felt that need grow into even more. It started to become a lust for power. I wanted to dominate; I wanted people to bow at my feet while on their knees. This feeling was so new to me and I could feel the wrongness, this wasn't me…was it?

The more I was at The White Rabbit, the more I could feel Caterpillar watching me from his VIP section. At times I felt like I was dancing for him, letting him watch while I grinded myself against the stripper pole. I had never felt this way before, I don't know why. But instead of worrying about it, I embraced it.  
>I had started to spend more of my time without Cheshire by my side. It felt like I had a piece missing from me, she was always there. Sometimes I found myself lost without her and feeling empty but I would just pop acid tabs and forget that I ever needed her. But there were times that I felt completely out of control and that I had no one to save me. I felt alone.<p>

I had to spend more time outside of the club. I could feel a different me, a different way of thinking. I was pretty sure that this wasn't normal. Like something took over me while at the club and disappeared whenever I left. I didn't talk about it with my friends because I could even see that they weren't going through the things that I happened to be. I saw how the club affected the rest of them and they seemed happy enough to keep going. But me on the other hand, I was starting to second guess myself.

Each night before I officially left the club, I would meet with Caterpillar and the rest. Secretly of course, none of my friends knew what I was doing. I had gotten to see Duchess for her true self and even Dodo's dirty little secrets, a new girl every other night. But it just seemed to fall into place, this life and the one in the real world as well.

It became a routine to spend the daylight hours with norms and the witching hours of night spent at The Rabbit. They shifted seamlessly together, it felt right. I didn't even feel weighted down with the constant effort I had to give. But my thoughts weren't always on the right page.

I had made sure that I was still keeping up with Alice; there was just something about her that caught my attention. But it also caught Caterpillar's and I didn't know if that was going to be okay. Something could happen or I could lose my spot I was slowly trying to earn as his favourite. I wanted to be special to someone for once and I wasn't going to let this little girl take my spot.

The way Duchess stared at her longingly and always tried to take her away from me, it made me angry. I had been the reason she was even interested here, I should be the one receiving the rewards! If only Alice knew the true face of the Duchess, maybe then she would come back to me. I would win this challenge, at any cost.

I left had left everything behind. I was barely home anymore; my family was starting to get worried. Some nights I just slept at the club, just barely getting up before noon to help with getting the club set up. No one really minded, they completely accepted my help without question. Only sometimes could I feel Duchess looking at me, but she had sadness in her eyes. I didn't know how to react.

The more I hung around the club, the more Cheshire grew impatient with me. She was always texting me or calling trying to get me away. Couldn't she see though? There was nothing better than being here, being craved by the world around you. How could I give this up? Cheshire had started to hang around the club more when she saw the reactions I created within the men and the women. She couldn't handle someone else being wanted instead of her.

More and more, I would show up and there she would be, with Caterpillar. Hanging off of his arm, as if she owned the place…but I knew the truth. Caterpillar took it in stride, he didn't respond to her like she would of wanted. She wanted so much to not be alone and would sink down to any level. Once in awhile Alice and Hatter would show up, their innocence clearly showing.

Author's Note:

Since the font I'm using is a bit big, the pages look longer. But otherwise that's all.

-atsn


	4. Fuzzy Lights

Queen's Blush

ATaintedStarsNightmare

Fuzzy Lights

I had figured out early in the game that Hatter had wanted attention from Cheshire. He would have given anything to earn even a moment of her time. I couldn't resist throwing little hints towards him that she could possibly be interested. I never knew with her though, she could be difficult to read. Though the days seemed to drag on when I wasn't at the Rabbit. I didn't know what to do with myself because I had started using March Hare whenever I could get it.

It seemed only to be around the club, March Hare that is. The more I looked for it out on the street, the more laughs I got. They had never even heard of this wonder drug! I had started to get a slightly more regular supply from Caterpillar but I was trying to not get addicted…like that was an option. This shit was amazing but I hated having to feel in debt to him. Going there more, the more I started to talk to other people there. The most interesting being Dodo, the bartender. He never seemed to be in a bad mood and that was always a welcomed change in my day.

Though one of his friends, Eaglet, had managed to get a stash of Hare and that grabbed my attention. If I didn't have respect for myself I would have worshipped at his feet. It felt better to me to not see that knowing smile on Caterpillar's face whenever I had showed up at odd-hours with my requests. The only problem was that Eaglet was interested in things other than the money I had to offer him. He would spend time in the dressing rooms, but his eyes focused on me and no one else. Cheshire couldn't even sway his fasincation with me and she had tried. But my focus was on sweet little Alice. Spending time with her was slightly intoxicating and I could go maybe 30 more minutes without a hit of Hare.

I tried to let her know that I was interested in more than just her conversation but she was so innocent she couldn't see my hints. This was around the time I had tried to stop using Hare, which was a complete failure. I was having mood swings, even with Alice around. I didn't want her to see me like this but I couldn't help myself. I was treating everyone awfully and I didn't care in the least. I wanted that magical feeling again and I would have given my left arm to have some. But I was stronger than some simple chemicals, right? I had to prove to myself that I wasn't becoming a drug addicted monster but all the signs were starting to point to that I was and there wasn't anything stopping my fall.

But the affects of quitting were more than just mood swings, I started to have nightmares. Why this new kind of hell, I didn't know. I was fearful of sleeping at night because it had gotten so bad. The fear I felt in them was so real that it was still with me when I would wake up in the morning. The nightmares were hard on me.

They always started out the same, no matter what. I would find myself in a room that was completely dark except for a bit of light coming from under the door. It seemed to take me forever to make my way across the room to the light. I felt like a moth attracted to a flame. I've always heard that you should follow the light… I would somehow end up crawling on my hands and knees as I made my way towards the door, slowly making progress. I finally make it after what seems to take forever and open the door. It's stuck so I've got to pull harder, putting a lot of my weight into it just for it to barely crack open. I keep pushing with all of my might, trying to inch this door open. It didn't look like it would take this much effort, but it resists as if it weighs a thousand pounds. See, even in my dreams the world is against me. After what has felt like hours, I finally have the door opened enough for me to barely sneak past it. Once out of the room, the feeling in my dream has changed but I'm clueless as to why. The freedom waiting outside of the room…was just another room. How anti-climatic. But for some reason the lights are brighter, though the room has a foggy fuzzy look to it. I wander around because the room has definitely grown in size, it had to! It didn't look this big to begin with. Suddenly colored puffs of smoke fill the air and I can barely breathe without coughing. It reminds me of the smoke that Caterpillar is so fond of. I see a shadow through the smoke and make my way towards it.

It's Caterpillar, sitting down calmly while puffing away on his hookah. His throne was magnificent, almost shining in the dark even though no light was in the room. He has a smile on his face, his eyes undressing me it feels like. He gestures the "come-hither" signal. Immediately I follow his unspoken command but I don't remember moving my own feet. I don't want to walk towards but I can't stop my own feet!

"Oh my dear little Alice, you've decided to make an appearance after so long." His laughter seems to echo against me, going deep into me and hitting my bones.

I am not that puny weak girl. I am the Queen, someone she could only wish to be. I'm trying to shake my head and tell him no. My voice is not coming out of me, no matter how hard I try to push it out of me. Instead I keep moving towards him, not being able to keep my feet still. He sees me resisting and smiles, his eyes getting brighter the closer I get.

"Scared little Dormouse, you're just denying the impossible." His puffs of colored smoke seem to spell the words and suffocate me at the same time.

"I am not Alice. I am a Queen, you mistaken fool." The words finally make their way out of me. I'm staring him down, challenging him without saying a word.

His laughter shocks me and makes me feel useless and humiliated. But as I stand, I feel my feet melting into the floor. Caterpillar is staring at me, delighted as I'm trying to escape and move my feet. Terror is setting in as the realization hit that I won't be able to run. Suddenly I feel pain in my legs as the floor seems to swallow me up. I feel like his laughter is inside my brain, echoing in every corner of my being.

"You'll see in the future." The room goes black and I couldn't see anything but I could feel the room shifting around me. I felt like I was trapped in a bad carnival ride with no way out. Lights seemingly start to flash around me, disorienting me beyond belief. I can hear singing, softly so I've got to listen hard. The voice is soft and sweet, I can tell its Alice. But when did she get here? I don't remember seeing her but anything can happen in a dream, right?

Hearing her voice is usually when I would wake up. I hadn't made it past that point yet but I was curious enough to try and get through this dream.

So many times when I fell asleep I would try to have this dream again and again. But I never quite made it through. Time and time again I would get interrupted before I could find Alice in the dream. I wanted so badly to be able to finish this dream. Even taking a bit of Hare wouldn't help, nothing would.

I couldn't get his laughter out of my head.

_**Author's Note:**_

_Now I know this took forever and I'm sorry. Haven't had time to write but I really want to finish this story!_

_Let me know what you think._

_-atsn_


	5. Chilled Apricots

Queen's Blush

ATaintedStarsNightmare

"Chilled Apricots"

When would the world stop turning? It seemed like never. I was hiding from everybody and trying to focus on myself for once but I couldn't get rid of this strange feeling that lingered through out my body and soul. But I kept using the Hare to make those kinds of feelings go away. I drifted in and out of sleep and through the days without really knowing where I was anymore. I had been trying to spend more time with Cheshire so far we had been to so many places and done so many things. The Hare coursing its way through my veins made everything softer around the edges.

"Don't be a bitch; he just wants to see your tits. It's not like you haven't shown those things off before." Cheshire was looking at me with disgust for not having the carelessness she did. We had run out of money, not going to work to get strung out could put a big hole in your pocket. We had stopped going to the Rabbit to be free from Caterpillar's tyranny but it didn't seem to make anything better. I swear I could feel his eyes somehow still on me wherever I happened to end up. I felt dirty, as if no shower could clean the dirt off me and my soul.

I nodded my agreement to her and followed her to the back of a ratty motel. The flickering street lights definitely didn't help the situation but I think this is where I had starting losing my fear of the world, only concentrated on myself and Hare. Cheshire had started using anything she could get her hands on, turning bone skinny with dark circles under her eyes. Her fingers were stained different colours but from what, I couldn't tell you. She would disappear for days only to return with new bruises in places she thought I couldn't see. Different colours of yellow, black and blue decorated her skin.

Finally through the alleyways we finally got to the newest drug dealer she had come across. I stopped caring where she exactly met these people, it wouldn't the last time we would be in some shady motel back alley. But this would be one of the last times she would use MY body. But I'm not completely innocent in this either, but it's always to have someone else to blame for your problems instead of yourself.

She didn't even knock, just stepped inside as if they already knew. I followed behind, losing myself in the smells that creeped out into the open air. It was similar to rotting fruit, sickly sweet. I was taken back and slightly disgusted. I was half expecting to see fruit flies zooming past me, going towards the fresh air. But the only thing that came out were more drugged out girls, their looks put Cheshire to shame. They just nodded at us, not even looking at us. Nodding like they knew why we were here and what we were going through. What pathetic whores but they were probably thinking the same about me.

Inside the room, I was taken back. I swear I could see colored puffs of smoke disappearing as soon as I passed the threshold. There were a couple of people spread out randomly. I could feel the chemical stench of cigarettes eating away at me. The lights were sickly yellow and almost making the dusk look tainted. No one turned to look at us, simply staring mindlessly at the TV like it was a life-line. Is this what I had to look forward to?

At the sound of a toilet flushing and a door open, I turned towards where those sounds came from. I was expecting some fat smelly man but instead a very hot looking guy came out. Can't say I was disappointed. I looked over at Cheshire and she winked her eye and started to walk towards him. I blindly followed her as a blush found its way on my face, I could feel his gaze on me and it excited me. He smiled at me then walked to what I was guessing was him room. Following him I could smell cologne and that soon was all I taste in the air around me. I didn't know what would be going on tonight, but whatever it was…I was losing my inhibitions with every breath I took in.

I glanced behind me, checking out Cheshire. She was following but not looking me in the eye. Her gaze seemed to look into the distance then get stopped. But not just stopped, oh man no! It was more like slamming into a brick wall, one that had popped out on an empty stretch of road. She looked like she yearned to reach out and touch it but just couldn't lift her arm. Definitely a site for sore eyes.

Looking back in front of me quickly, I determined we had finally reached our destination. This mystery man with the heavenly scent. I could feel my face heating up at the thought; if I still had my phone I would have twittered it. Then it hit me, IF I still had my phone. I had quickly gotten shut off my parent's plan when I started dipping into the house funds.

I was in a fucking drug dealer's house, accepting that I might have to show him my body just so Cheshire and I could get high on something that wasn't Hare. What the flying fuck? It was all sinking in at that moment, waking me up to what was reality.

I just calmly made my way to the front door, not letting anyone get in my way. This wasn't how I wanted to live my life anymore. Life sure wasn't perfect but I couldn't let my body be used like this… I had to get away.

They would understand.

_Authors Notes:_

_Yeah, a little late but better late than never._

_-atsn_


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